Rocky Dennis:My Personal Development Mentor
83The Student Who Taught Me My Most Important Lessons
I was asked a question the other day by my Network Marketing Master Mind group: what gave me the confidence to release my first book? The question was designed to help me solidify in my own mind my position as an expert, and my ability to teach and lead others.
Of course, this is part of the personal development or personal improvement journey we go through to achieve what we want out of life.
I answered by referring to my thirty year background in education, the training I have pursued to ready myself for a new career, the hundreds, if not thousands of people from all walks of life I have had the privilege of mentoring and so on.
But over the next few days, I thought none of that was the real answer. The real reason I have the confidence to write a book, save a marriage, overcome illness, or face anything else life throws at me is because of my brief relationship with one very special young man...Rocky Dennis.
My First Day Teaching
I was twenty-one years old and about to face my very first day teaching ninth graders at Sandburg Jr. High in Glendora, California.
On my way to work that day, I was keenly aware that I looked more like I was fifteen, than twenty-one. I anticipated that I would be in for a lot of "testing" by the students, I just wasn't sure what form it would take.
I prepared myself mentally to deal with whatever happened and to make this the best day of my life. It was...but not for the reasons I imagined
As the students filed in and took their seats, I kept my head buried in my roll book. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a boy sit down in the front row wearing a huge rubber Halloween mask. I could hear the twitter among the other students, but decided to wait for the bell to ring before saying anything.
The bell announced the official beginning of class, and I stood up to address the student with, "School has now started. Take that thing off."
Before I could open my mouth, he also stood up with his class schedule in hand, realizing he had accidentally come into the wrong classroom.
For the first time, I looked directly at him and with a shock I can't begin to describe to you, realized he wasn't wearing a mask!
He left my classroom without another word, and I was left badly shaken. If I had said "Take that thing off" as I intended, I think I would have gone directly to the Principal's office and resigned then and there.
Who Was Rocky Dennis?
Rocky suffered from Craniodiaphyseal dysplasia . It is a rare disease which causes severe distortion of the face due to abnormal calcium deposits causing tremendous pressure, horrible headaches, difficulty with sight and hearing. His body was rail thin, made all the more obvious since his head was so large.
Even in death, it pains me that when people see his photograph, they call him a "freak" or a "waste of sperm." He deserves, still, so much better than that.
Rocky wasn't his disease. He was a fourteen year old boy with all the hopes, dreams, desires and teenage angst found in any other teenage kid.
Even though I was not his homeroom teacher, I was around him quite a bit. The students in his class frequently teamed up with my students to work on joint projects.
As I got to know him, I was struck by his incredible sense of humor, positive outlook, and most of all, the way he brought out the very best in other people.
Junior high schoolers are not always known for accepting anyone who is different. Yet Rocky was one of the more popular kids in school. Why?
Because he never felt the need to apologize for something he couldn't help. if someone sat next to him and started to stare, Rocky would say, "If it bothers you, you're going to have to move, cause I can't take my face off." The kid almost always stayed put and Rocky added to his long list of friends.
There was one boy in my class, Frankie, who was always in trouble. I had my hands full with Frankie all year. He didn't like school, he hated rules, he'd fight anyone who breathed on him, and yet...he loved Rocky.
I watched their friendship and realized that Rocky had the gift of bringing out the very best in Frankie. Frankie never thought of Rocky as a "freak" but as his friend. I loved Frankie when he was with Rocky; and over time it helped me to love Frankie even when Rocky wasn't there.
Rocky helped me see all the good things about Frankie and that made me a better teacher. It was a big step in my own personal development.
You see, Frankie was able to look past Rocky's outward appearance and see only his friend. Rocky, in turn, saw past Frankie's tough facade and straight through to the vulnerable boy underneath. No one else could reach Frankie the way Rocky could. Through their weaknesses, they built each other's strengths.
I had no idea at the time how much pain Rocky was in. He never complained. His humor never failed him.
I came to understand that if I had actually blurted "take that thing off" that first day I met him, Rocky would have found a way to make ME feel alright about it. That's just the way he was.
Rocky graduated from junior high and went on to high school. The next year, when he was 16, we got word of his death. I'm writing these words, thirty years later and they still make me cry.
Cher and "Mask"
A few years after Rocky's death, Peter Bogdanovich directed Cher and Eric Stolz in a loosely adapted version of Rocky's life called, "Mask."
I had very mixed feelings about seeing the film. I was terrified that it would just be an exploitation of a young boy's life and I didn't want my memories tainted.
Instead, I thought everyone concerned did a great job of capturing Rocky's spirit. I felt the movie was an appropriate celebration of his life.
Cher has apparently remained active in her support for children with cranial disorders.
What a hoot Rocky would have gotten that a major star, and well known director found his life story a worthy project. Even his poetry was featured in the film. How great he would think that was.
But I think he would be more impressed if each of you would take a long look in the mirror. Whatever your reflection, celebrate the gifts you've been given. Then go out in the world and share those gifts with others.
Make a friend, tell a joke, write a poem, laugh, travel, love. Enjoy the ride.
- Roy L. Dennis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A brief description of Rocky's life and how he has made an impact on popular culture. - Looking for photos of Rocky
One of the comments here, gives a nice snapshot of Rocky and his mom, and their life together. - Find a Grave Memorial
photo of Rocky at about seven years of age, and the yearbook photo the year I knew him.
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What a giftRocky was to you and now to us, through you. Refreshingly different hub.
Thank you, Barbara. I love how Frankie and Rocky connected. We had a student at our middle school whose face was disfigured, and the students fell in love with her too. She's in high school this year, and I bet they all love her there, too.
Thank you for sharing your story,
Cindy
Cool Hub, Barbara. Thanks for that.
Matt
Thanks Barbara for the wonderful story. I will certainly pass it along.
Wow, made me stop and really thank God for all that I have. What an inspiring hub!
Dear Barbara,
Your hub needs to come with a warning: Don't start reading without your tissues.
You inspire, uplift, educate, and gift us all with your talent and insights. Thank you for being. I look forward to your book.
All the best,
Theresa
What a wonderful recount of someone special who made a footprint on your life and your teaching. I think sometimes people like Rocky and Frankie are put on earth to teach the rest of us a lesson on how to live.
Judy Jackson
Really wonderful hub Barbara. I really empathized with your feelings throughout the story. No wonder you are a leader in our powerful little now but soon to be big community!
~Lisa~
www.TheDallasDivas.com
Thank you all so much - as I read your comments I hope that somehow Frankie finds his way here. I would love for him to know I learned as much from him as I did from Rocky. I hope he found true happiness in his life. Just think, he's probably in his mid forties by now. Wonder if he even remembers "Miss March" who he so loved to harass? LOL God Bless, Frankie.
Nicely written and inspiring Hub. It's interesting how all of us need a little hope and encouragement to keep walking on that life journey. Feel free to see how I try to help others in new ways too. Sincerely: Gary Eby, author and therapist.
Good stuff! At first I thought this was just another internet marketing/affiliates scam - But it was really inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing here!
Barbara, again your authenticity draws me, draws a huge audience.
This story touched my soul.
We can find good, loyalty, love always. This story is another reminder of the truth of the benefits of giving. Rocky and Frankie gave to each other as no one else could. In return, their lives and friendship is blessed.
Barbara, you are an excellent writer, but also God gave you and exceptional subject to work with. Isn’t it amazing how beautiful someone can be when God unveils their inner person to us? Second hub today that brought tears to my eyes. ~ eddie
Barbara, if only everyone had the experience of being around someone like Rocky and learning from him, we would all be better because of it. I hope that we can all find someone special to teach us what is really important in life.
Thanks, Becky
Barbara, oh yes, that first day as a school teacher, I remember it well. But what a start. I remember trying to pronounce all the Polish names and of course the laughter after each attempt. If we don't forget that we are all learning everyday we can overcome even network marketing,lol. Your stuff just keeps getting better and better. MJ
What a Wonderful story. It is so very important to realize all the Blessings we both have and get in this life. Rocky's purpose in life was so much bigger than him, as shown by the way he touched the hearts of so many and in turn has also caused those touched to pay-it-forward onto others. Quite the impact. And we think "we" have adversity.
Thanks for a wonderful post
It warms my heart whenever someone comments in response to this post. I know Rocky is smiling! For each of you who is touched by his story I feel I have a new friend. The human spirit is a remarkable thing - there is absolutely NOTHING we cannot overcome; maybe not in the way we thought we would, but overcome we do.
Go out and perform a random act of kindness today. Buying a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you may be the moment in time you give a person at wit's end the pickup they need to overcome. In one small gesture, you can actually change someone's life. :)
Hello Barbara,
Thank you very much for this moving article on the blessings and inspiration learned from this remarkable individual named Rocky. I was moved so deeply in my research of his condition for a discussion we are having on parenting styles. It has helped me with my argument that the authoritative parenting style is best suited, the high self esteem, self reliance and social competence demonstrated by Rocky proves this. I am deeply changed by remembering the movie and your kind words about him. Peace and blessings!
Thank you Vincinti!
The impact Rocky had on my life is obvious in the fact that he is still, all these years later, still part of my daily thoughts. He sure as heck influenced my parenting -- my oldest showed signs of having a severe medical condition and I can remember thinking "I'll teach her to be the best she can be -- to always live up to her potential -- just like Rocky did."
Well, we were fortunate that the doctor's dire predictions didn't come to pass, but I still live by trying to put that potential to good use!
What is the project you are working on?
Barbara
My girlfriend wanted to watch somthing sappy the other night, She is young and usually says she likes only current movies. I rented mask and it really touched her and had us in tears. I am glad to hear from somone that new him that the story was well represented to the movie. I will have her read your blog also.
Hi Barbara
Oh what a lovely inspiring and uplifting hub. I was in tears by the end of it. I really felt the love Rocky and Frankie had for each other and how Rocky touched so many lives. We all have beautiful loving souls and they are magnificent, and like Rocky his outward appearance was different. I read earlier today we are all beautiful souls and we shouldn't judge a book by its cover and then I read your wonderful inspiring hub and that really was in alignment with what I read earlier. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with us.
Rosemary
Thank you, Rosemary. I like to think Rocky knows he is continuing to impact people in a positive way. Keep hoping Frankie will recognize himself in this article and get in touch too!
What was the book you were reading?
Nice post.This article is very heplful . Thanx author. I would also like to share few more wonderful writings :
Reading this mad tears come down my face and I'm 18 even though I watched the movie Mask and did more studies about Rocky Dennis. When I watched the movie I fell in love with Rocky because he seemed like any other ordinary teen who goes to school and has a loving family along with friends. If I was alive when Rocky was in high school I would have been friends with him and maybe asked him out. I would have defended him and fought them off and reported them to the principal. I saw a little boy at the mall with the same disease as Rocky walking with his mother and everyone was staring at him whispering. I had just bought candy from one of the candy stores so I walked over to the little boy and he smiled at me and I handed him the candy and he shouted out with happiness "thanks you mam" his mother was pleased for what I done and her son told me his name was Zane and her name was Helen. I hugged Zane and kissed his cheek and said my good byes and looked at everyone who was staring and replied "what's the matter haven't you ever seen anyone from the planet vulcan before beep beep" I left the store with tears in my eyes from saddness because I felt bad and I pray for all the kids who have the disease. If I have a kid with the disease I will treat them like any other kid. May you rest in peace Rocky Dennis.
Thank you, Harley -- you did more good in that hug for that child - not only for the child, but for his mom -- than you probably know.
I'm proud to have someone like you visiting this page.
Barbara
I never realized how many lives Rocky Dennis has touched. I've seen the movie "Mask" more times than I can count, and every time it touches my heart at what a wonderful person he was. I'm in my forty's, and just saw the movie again, and wanted to find out more about this Brave young man. His life was taken too soon, but I know he's a Beautiful Angel. Bless You, Roy L. "Rocky" Dennis.
My father in law worked at Auto Marine where a young strange looking boy would cut through the parking lot on his way home. He always said how polite and nice he was. To this day my father in law still thinks about him.
Long around Christmas time, 1975, my friends and I, who all worked for the local IN/N/OUT Burger, were shopping at the Puente Hills Mall. While standing in line at the now defunct Kaplan's Deli, two kids came swooping bye having what seemed to be the time of their young lives. I turned around to witness the commotion and standing not 12 inches away from my face was a young teen-age boy who was obviously wearing some sort of Halloween mask.
The pair laughed and bolted out into the crowd. It was a brief, frozen moment in time and I will admit to being confused as I turned to the friend I was with, no doubt looking a bit perplexed, and all he said was, "Well, takes all kinds".
A number of years later with the release of the movie, my personal confusion was cleared up. I believe he was just having great fun seeing the reactions he could get from people, simply doing the kind of things teen-agers do.
The message of Rocky's short life, I like to think, has never been lost on me.
RIP and I know you are enjoying yourself!
Thank you for sharing your story... The movie Mask has touched my heart. What an amazing young man Rocky was.
his is exactly what i was looking for, i saw nthe movie when i was younger and now i am doing a massive research on rocky dennis. Rest In Peace to the bravest man i ever read about
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of an amazingly inspiring young man. What a wonderful lesson for us all.
Wow, you taught Rocky Dennis. Mask was such an inspirational movie to me.It's amazing how someone could remain so positive and upbeat even with his challenges in life.
Wow, deeply touched by your hub. I loved the movie, and Eric Stoltz, I feel, breathed life into Rocky and really endeared me to both the actor and of course, Rocky, forever. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm so glad this article continues to touch the hearts of those who come across it. There are so many lessons to be learned from Rocky's short life and I know he would appreciate all of you who finally "get him."
Every life has a purpose - Rocky was given a difficult one and yet he made the best of what he had and rather than feel sorry for himself he found love, humor and beauty in the world. I know there were bound to be times when he had a meltdown - something most teens do anyway - but I only saw a smart, funny, courageous young man who remains one of my greatest teachers.
Thank you so much for all the comments!
What a very touching hub! Your story is very inspiring.
Renegade Coach 3 years ago
Oh Barbara, what a wonderful story! I'm in tears. Too many of us get caught up in outward appearences and forget that what is on the inside is what counts.